你害怕女人嗎?讀讀這個……

是什麼使一個男人缺少女人緣?我可以列出一大堆的原因。
但是在這些原因當中,恐懼是最重要的一個。
在很多情況下男人會感到恐懼,但我要說的是其中最常見的,以及,如何對付它。
在這之前,我希望你能誠實的面對這個話題。
在面對女人和約會時,你感到過害怕嗎?
你是否想接近她,但是你感到害怕,怕到什麼都不敢做?
在約會時,你是否想吻她,但是你很害怕,就怕一旦做錯什麼,你就沒機會了?
或者你已經拿到她的電話號碼,但你不敢打電話,因為你不知道說些什麼,不知道怎麼約她出來?
甚至,你已經坐下,拿起電話正在撥她的號碼,但你不得不停下來,因為你緊張的要命,話都沒法說?
  Or out on a date with a woman, and you wanted
to kiss her, but you got so nervous at the thought
that you just decided it would be better to forget
the whole idea and hope for the best…?
我也是。實際上,曾經有過很多次。
順便提一下,對一個人來說,承認自己害怕某種東西可不是件光彩的事。
男人們甚至寧願承認自己的性取向有問題,也不敢承認自己害怕女人。
然而,如果不首先承認自身的問題的話,你只會把事情弄的更糟。
如果你不能面對自身的問題,你就很難得到幫助並解決它。
好消息是,這樣的人不止你一個。
差不多我認識的所有人(包括我自己)都不止一次的經歷過這道坎。
所以,第一步就是克服它。克服你不願承認自己害怕的態度。只需要承認你害怕,承認你和大家一樣……
第二步,就是承認你想搞定它,你想克服這個弱點。
第三步就是做點什麼。
一旦你認識到事情沒那麼嚴重,那麼情況就開始改善了。換句話說,如果你還不願意承認你的恐懼,你就只能繼續找一些小點子用在女人身上,當然,它們起不到任何實質效果。
我個人認為,導致這種恐懼的最大因素就是:

過於看重對方對你的看法,以及如果她這樣看你,她會怎麼做。
換句話說,多數小伙子們不敢有所行動,是因為怕把事情搞砸,或者怕她及周圍的人會對自己有看法。
而真正的問題,在於這些想法是自然而然產生的。多數小伙子在第一眼被對方迷住時就成了這幅樣子。他們甚至還沒來得及進行理智的思考,就變得緊張,無助,失落。
我知道你真正明白我的意思。
  As humans, we have these incredible minds and
bodies, but sometimes they get wired up in ways
that aren’t exactly useful for the situations that
we find ourselves in. Worse, sometimes our
cultures, families, or peer groups teach us ways
of thinking that just aren’t useful at all for
what we’d like to accomplish.
  I thought about this idea that I was having
this instant, automatic fear in different
situations with women, and that what I was really
thinking was "I don’t want to screw this up" and
"I don’t want her to think that I’m a dork"…
於是突然我有了這麼一個想法:
其實這根本就無所謂。
不管發生什麼都無所謂。不管她怎麼看我都無所謂。
我才認識到,這種恐懼不過是自發產生的,並沒有什麼實際的東西值得我害怕。
於是我開始不斷的提醒自己,根本沒有什麼值得害怕的,我要的不是什麼完美的結局。我只是在學習。
把事情的結果看的太重,和以學習的態度來對待事情。想想看這兩種態度之間的區別。
打個比方,當我遇見一個女人並且想接近她時,我不會這樣想:「好,我要說點什麼迷人的,好讓她喜歡上我。……要是她不吃這一套,我就沒法收場了。」
我會想:「我要學著怎麼在幾分鐘之內搞到她的電話號碼。這只是一個嘗試,不一定能得手,但吃一塹長一智,我總會有所提高的。」
注意到它們的不同之處沒有?
讓我告訴你,這種態度的轉變帶來的是非常不同的結果。我現在能夠嘗試那些我以前因為害怕而不敢嘗試的東西了。
正因為我懷著學習的態度,我要的是得到提高,所以這次是否成功並不重要。而且,我進步得很快。
我越是懷著這種態度,我成功的機會就越大,從第一次見面,然後到約會,甚至變得更親密……
所以聽我的,像這樣:
馬上出門,跟一個女人聊天。
不管她是不是對你的胃口。
你要的不是來次約會,你要的只是從中學到點東西。
你想真的有所快速改善的話,那麼去花一整天時間和女人談話,但是不要弄任何電話號碼,也不要定任何約會。
換句話說,無論如何你都不准跟當天的女人約會。
看看你是不是能對走過你身邊的女人來點簡單的,比方打個招呼;如何保持與對方對視,直到她移開視線;如何提前終止談話,使得她不自覺的感到空虛,然後主動和你繼續談……
這就是克服你的恐懼的一個好方式。
附原文:
————————————————–
Are You AFRAID Of Women? Read This…
  What prevents men from being successful with
women?
  Well, the list goes on and on… but one of the
elements that TOPS the list is FEAR.
  There are many different situations that make
men feel fear, but I’d like to talk about some of
the most common ones… and what to do about them.
  First of all, I’d like you to be honest for a
moment about this topic.
  Do you ever feel FEAR when it comes to women
and dating?
  Have you ever seen a woman that you’d really
like to meet, but you started to feel fear and
didn’t do anything about it?
  Or maybe you were on a date and you wanted to
kiss a woman… but you felt too afraid because
you didn’t want to make a mistake and screw up
your chances?
  Or maybe you even got a woman’s phone number,
but you were too afraid to call back because you
didn’t know how to start off the conversation or
ask her out?
  Cummon, seriously…
  Have you ever been sitting there with the phone
in your hand, dialing a woman’s number, but you
had to hang up because you were just too nervous
to even talk to her…?
  Or out on a date with a woman, and you wanted
to kiss her, but you got so nervous at the thought
that you just decided it would be better to forget
the whole idea and hope for the best…?
  Me too. Many times, in fact.
  By the way, it’s not exactly FUN to admit that
you’re afraid of things.
  I’m sure you know that most guys would rather
admit in public that they were unsure about their
sexual orientation than that they were afraid of
women.
  Of course, this unwillingness to admit that you
have a problem IN THE FIRST PLACE only makes
matters worse…
  If you don’t admit that you have the problem,
then it’s hard to get help and answers to it.
  Well, the good news is that you’re not alone.
  Almost every guy I’ve known (including myself)
has dealt with this issue MANY TIMES with women.
  So, STEP 1 is to GET OVER IT. Get over your
need to deny that you’re afraid. Just admit that
you’re afraid, and come to grips with the fact
that you’re human…
  STEP 2 is to admit that you’d like to get this
particular area of your life handled.
  STEP 3 is to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
  Once you realize that it’s not that big of a
deal, then the improvement can start. On the other
hand, if you just stay in denial about it, you’ll
probably just look for new tricks and techniques
to use on women… which, of course, won’t lead to
any REAL improvement.
  I personally think that one of the biggest
causes of fear when it comes to situations with
women is:
  PUTTING TOO MUCH IMPORTANCE ON WHAT THE WOMAN
THINKS OF YOU AND WHAT HAPPENS IN THAT PARTICULAR
SITUATION.
  To put it in different words, most guys don’t
take action because they’re afraid that they’ll
screw up, or that the woman or others around will
judge them.
  The REAL problem though is that this whole
process has become AUTOMATIC, and it happens
INSTANTLY the moment most guys see a woman that
they’d like to meet. Before they even have a
chance to think about the situation rationally,
they’ve become nervous, insecure, and upset.
  I’m sure you know EXACTLY what I’m talking
about.
  As humans, we have these incredible minds and
bodies, but sometimes they get wired up in ways
that aren’t exactly useful for the situations that
we find ourselves in. Worse, sometimes our
cultures, families, or peer groups teach us ways
of thinking that just aren’t useful at all for
what we’d like to accomplish.
  Here’s something that I realized a few years
ago when I was learning for myself how to be
successful with women…
  I thought about this idea that I was having
this instant, automatic fear in different
situations with women, and that what I was really
thinking was "I don’t want to screw this up" and
"I don’t want her to think that I’m a dork"…
  And all of a sudden something dawned on me:
  IT DOESN’T MATTER.
  It doesn’t matter what happens, and it doesn’t
matter what she thinks of me.
  I realized that the fears I was experiencing
were more from PROGRAMMING than from reality.
  So, I started to remind myself as often as
possible that the fear wasn’t happening because
there was any kind of danger… and that my
objective in a particular situation wasn’t to have
it turn out perfect, IT WAS TO LEARN.
  Think about the difference between doing
something because it’s important vs. doing
something in order to LEARN.
  So, for instance, if I saw a woman that I
wanted to meet… instead of thinking, "OK, I have
to say something charming and original so she’ll
like me… and if I screw up I’m going to be
embarrassed" – I began to think things like, "I’m
going to learn how to get a woman’s phone number
within a few minutes of meeting her… and part of
learning this is going to be trying a lot of
different things that probably aren’t going to
work… but in the end, it’s all going to even out
because I’m going to have the SKILL that I want."
  See the difference?
  Well, let me tell you, that change in attitude
made a HUGE impact on my success. I was willing to
do and try things that I never would have tried in
the past for fear of screwing up…
  All because I had the attitude of "I’m going to
learn something from this and improve my skills…
and it doesn’t matter what happens in THIS
PARTICULAR situation", I was able to improve very
rapidly.
  And the more I began to apply this idea, the
more success I had in ALL areas with women… from
the first meeting, to getting them to go out with
me, to taking things to a physical level.
  So do this:
  Go out RIGHT NOW and start a conversation with
a woman.
  I don’t care if she’s attractive or not.
  But instead of having the objective of getting
a date, have the objective of LEARNING SOMETHING.
  In fact, if you REALLY want to improve fast, go
spend a day starting conversations with women, but
make the commitment to NOT get any phone numbers
or dates all day.
  In other words, no matter WHAT happens, you
can’t date any of the women that you meet that
day.
  See if you can just learn how to do a few
simple things like say, "Hi" to every woman that
walks by… how to maintain eye contact with women
until THEY look away… and how to end a
conversation "too soon" so she feels a natural
vacuum and tries to keep it going herself…
  That’s one good idea for dealing with your
fears.

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